i dont want to waste my life

i dont wnat to realize when i'm sixty that i waste my life
if Christianity is true, i've wasted it.
i can still chane and seek to be close with Him,
but the results seem dim!
Why's it so easy to do wrong than right,
maybe i need to change the focus of my sight,
i wated it tongiht,
i'll never get my wasted days and nights back,
streghtne my belief or faith Lord for taht's what i lack,
the mission of a Christian is to proclaim the Gospel,
then I'm leading people to hell instead of eternal life with the Creator,
I'm basically committing eternal murder,
Lord reveal yourself to me for I'm sinful
and I need to believe by sight,
reaveal to me the decisions and life i must choose for you're the way, truth, and life
i dont wnat to live a life of convenience or mediocrocy,
i dont wnat to have a life of bitterness and resentment.
show me life how it should be,
becase i dont want to waste mine
and lead others to do the same.

two days ago

two days ago, i went to the place i used to work at on campus to give my application for dollar tree to my supervisor so that she can write comments about me on my application. However, this jerk ig uess he's the manager their or someone with high authority asked me how long i worked for them and i replied about 4 weeks and he said that he wouldn't get a reference for that. i left right after he said that. as i was walking away i was thinking aobut the tone of the man's voice and how he looked at me and it seemed like he was putting down my character.
i walked back in and told him i wanted to talk to him and we stepped in his office. i was trying to explain to him why i missed some days of work which is that my rooomates kept me up to about 3 am. and he didn't try to understand that every was black and white with him. ofcourse if i got to get enough sleep i would've made it to work every single day, but due to my circumstances i couldn't and tha'ts why i quit also because i didn't get enough sleep and i was getting sleepy and inattentive in class. still after that explanation, he kept replying you said that you would be here for work and you didnt' so i'm not going to let u get a reference...this is a Christian school and he's a pastor for goodness' sake. where's the freakin' mercy? that guy is messed up and i hope that God convicts him with how he disrespected me...

My Restless Heart

Marijuana satisfied me but only for a short time,
alcohol consoled me but also just for a short time,
thought that sex would complete my lustful hunger but only made me want more,
probalby din't have pacified me ecause it was with a whore,
family makes me happy but i still wnat more,
friends and girlfriends come and go,
joy and peace come and go,
was close with and is saved,
yet, something else than God and sin i do crave,
what is it that my heart seek,
sometimes God, it seems like you are weak,
or the lack of my complete happiness is on my part,
God if you're so omnipotent i bet you to satisfy my restless heart.

my response to the statement

yesterday someone said to me, "You can't handle the truth," after explaining to me what he wants me to know about new world order, symbolisms on the dollar bills, and governmental issues. i was stupid enough just to say that i just wanna stick by what makes sense because to me it doesnt make sense that the u.s. government destroyed it's twin towers and world trade center and slaughtered thousands of it's own people. i dont see any reasoning behind that, but if i was confronted with evidence that validated that, it would be true of course. okay anyway back to the first statement in the first line. NOONE should have the AUDACITY to say that someone can't handle the truth. and if one really that about what he or she is saying when he or she states that, they would take it back. i'm talking bout ultimate truth here, which is God. God wants everyone to believe in Him and to live with Him eternally and have faith in Him as they are here on Earth. If no one can handle the truth, why would God want their life. Anyone can "handle" or come to the truth, for that's what God precisely wants. i think it's arrogant to state something like that and foolish. furthermore, i dont only think, i know. i should've responded immediately with what i'm writing now, but i was just a little upset at how the person can't see his own arrogance.

The Paradoxes

God predestined our lives, yet we have free will,
value life so much, but people still kill,
through faith we are slaves to holiness,
because of our evil world, we are slaves to sinfulness,
darkness blocks the Truth from the heart and mind,
yet, the Light may be too bright it can blind,
we believe what we see,
but we must live by faith and not by sight,
sinners are commanded to live by what's right,
love is a virtue that creates a joyful life,
because of love, the Lamb endured a painful sacrifice,
we desire living right, but we also desire vice,
my life is darker than the color of a raven,
at the same time, wishing to live in the light of Heaven.

addiction

if your addicted to cigarettes, it is a day by day struggle to quit; it's extremely hard and painful to quit. When you're addicting to cigarettes, it's a part of you. You know that it's bad for you and it's immoral, but even though you acknowledge that, you still want to do it. It's similar to sin; we know that sin is wrong, but we still do it. However, one can quit smoking forever, but one can't be totally sinless until Heaven. Everyone that is struggling to quit smoking, i hope that God has mercy and grace on them and helps them quit. Through quitting, that wall will be broken down, and it'll open a door to a better relationship with God.

finding out the differences between you and your close friend(s) is interesting and a little scary. I recognized that i have a big difference from my close friend. it's a little scary, because..it's hard to explain. When you aren't similar to something you are more attracted to it and whenever you're different from something or someone, it's natural to want to shun it or that person. According to what I just said, I should find other friends because i have differences with my current friends. Forget that! I'm a honorable man. It's a universal truth that everyone is different, so what am i even discussing right now. i guess i'm saying that it's a little scary to see the differences between youself and your friends, because you can see how easy you and them can be seperated and what can easily seperate y'all. It only depends on what kind of heart you have which reveals how much you value friendship